I called my StepDad today and asked him for a favor.
I have a white board that is sitting in my room I purchased from Target and I need it hung, as soon as possible. By tonight, it will be hung and I will be writing my goals down (they need a time line as of right now) on it for not only myself to see, but when my parents walk in my room, they can see what I'm thinking.
My goal is to move out from under my parents roof within the next six months to a year. I think that is a perfectly acceptable time line, even if another year under their roof seems like a life time. They agree to let me live here, as long as I'm job searching, working and being smart about my decision making.
What will I be doing? Here's along the lines of what I want to do for myself. And everything here is perfectly do-able to start doing today.
1. Dig back into traditional media
There is nothing more "thrilling" for me than being able to pick up a newspaper and read about what is going on in the Twin Cities.
I also believe it's important to know what is going on in your community. I tend to be a bit of a newspaper clipper and I've decided that in order to stay as organized as possible, I will buying another filing system. This is small side project of mine that I began back in January 2010, but never formally announced it since there was no reason to. I'm going to give it another shot and see what happens. I'm still deciding how far back in time I want to go or if I'm just going to start over. You'll possibly see the progression in time. If not, that means it wasn't something that worked out for me. Confused? That gives you an excuse to reach out to me and grab a friendly cup of coffee!! ;)
2. Continue blogging
I would idealy like to post 2-3 blogs per week. Three might be a bit much for me (the topic has to pique my interest), but once Labor Day rolls around, I think my schedule might shift a little bit. I have to think about it this way though: Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso had 24 hours in a day to get done what they wanted to do. They probably felt the same way I'm currently feeling at this times: a little pressed for time. So, you make it work!! What do I want to talk about? Like I just said: anything that piques my interest. It is my blog!
3. Twitter and Facebook
Twitter: I have two handles. I'm back to using my ryanr09 account more because I'm using my RachelRyanPR handle for something more specific. If you've checked it out recently, I've come to 'dead stop' at tweet No. 800. There's one person that knows what's going on with that and at this point, that's the only person who needs to know.
I have a lot of people I'm following under my ryanr09 account and right now, for me, it's just a lot of noise and I'm not feeling it right now. Yes, I did a 'spring cleaning' but I'm realizing I didn't do a very good job at it. Whoops. I'm not being paid to be on it, so I'm not paying attention to who is saying what for the most part.
Facebook. Ooooooh Facebook, how would people be able to stalk me if they weren't connected to me there? I barely post anything anymore though and as for status updates? If you're friends with me in real life, I've decided you'll reach out to me if you want to know about what I'm doing. I'm not posting it for the 'world' to see on a minute by minute or hour by hour basis. Not even random spur of the moment. My last few updates were Switchfoot lyrics and the lyrics I chose pertained to what was happening in my life. I'll still check it, but it's a big time waster.
Bottom line: drop me an e-mail or shoot me a text (or pick up the phone) if you'd like to say hi. Don't be a stranger! I promise I don't bite! :D
4. My camera
She's a beauty. I need to invest in a tripod stand. I also need to find a program for my Dell laptop so I can make movies with my Sony W370; yes I plan on uploading some of the material to YouTube. I have 14.1 mega pixels on this baby!!! Oh yeah!!! But seriously. I need to figure out how to get my camera to work with my computer so I can make movies. It can't be that hard. My biggest problem?? My heart belongs with a Mac and I should have thought twice before buying this computer when I did in March 2006. The only reason I bought this computer? Well, I'll tell you right now, it was a lazy decision on my part.
5. Getting back on track
I know what I want. I have it really, really easy right now even if it doesn't seem like it. I need to stay organized, stay focused and start treating myself instead of depriving myself. My job search is going well and by well, I mean I'm at least getting rejection e-mails from companies, therefore, I'm not having to reach out times two. I'm reading interview articles for tips, I'm learning how to stay positive even when it seems like everything is falling apart --mostly people do it to themselves by not staying on track and I'm learning (the hard way) how to take care of myself. Right now, the biggest thing for me is my health. That comes before anything else. Without it, I'm in big, big trouble, especially if I end up in the hospital.
For now, that's it. I'm ready to get this white board up on my wall and keep my stuff organized. I should probably jet off to Target.
Any comments or opinions are welcome!! I hope you're having a fabulous Friday!!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
The secret of life
"The secret of life is to try not to hurry, but don't wait...don't wait."
I need security, but I want to continue to be challenged. I want to continue to push myself to new limits. I want to define my surroundings more by who decides to knock on my door so to speak.
I'd like to think I know whose going to be there in the end when all is said and done.
"The secret of life is there ain't no secret. And you don't get your money back."
My life is going in the right direction, whereas a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking way too much and over analyzing. It was hindering my decision making and my heart (emotions) became super confused with where I was really at. I have a new attitude with clearer visions and plan on focusing my direction with real intentions this time. Not that they weren't real before, I just think there was too much going on and I couldn't come up for enough air to stop and see what the heck was going on in the grander scheme of things.
Love passionately, deeply and without regret.
I need security, but I want to continue to be challenged. I want to continue to push myself to new limits. I want to define my surroundings more by who decides to knock on my door so to speak.
I'd like to think I know whose going to be there in the end when all is said and done.
"The secret of life is there ain't no secret. And you don't get your money back."
My life is going in the right direction, whereas a couple of weeks ago, I was thinking way too much and over analyzing. It was hindering my decision making and my heart (emotions) became super confused with where I was really at. I have a new attitude with clearer visions and plan on focusing my direction with real intentions this time. Not that they weren't real before, I just think there was too much going on and I couldn't come up for enough air to stop and see what the heck was going on in the grander scheme of things.
Love passionately, deeply and without regret.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
It starts in your heart
Lately, I've been playing that game called Tug of war and it's been opening my eyes to understand the predicaments the 2009 and 2010 college graduates have been put in.
I've kept somewhat in touch with a few former students I graduated with who are still very serious about public relations and wanting to get their hands dirty with a job that will pay them well.
I have automatic e-mails sent to me from Indeed.com throwing 100-300+ jobs at me for each area I chose to receive notices from in the following areas: event planning, communication and writing jobs.
There's a 50 percent chance I seem more interested in the communication positions because of the duties that go along with the positions, related to public relations. More often than not, my bachelors degree is one of the "minimum requirements" the applicant needs to have to be considered. Well, I have that!
However, in this economy, you're either going to step it up, or you're going to be 'lazy' and give some effort, but not give it your all even though it feels like you're doing everything you can. Maybe I'm biased. Maybe I'm tired of my wallet floating in the air. Maybe I need more encouragement.
Wait a second.
If someone is going to give me encouragement to go after something, that's great. But, if I'm not completely gungho about an opportunity than why I should even think about anyone encouraging me to go after something? If my eyes don't pop, if I'm not engaged, if I'm not learning, if I don't feel like I'm gaining more opportunity that will lead to doors opening, if I'm not on fire, if I'm not all-in, then I'm not doing it right.
That's what this economy needs! People who are passionate and love their jobs. But the passion begins with me and it begins with you. And once American has that, the economy will get back on its feet! A new fire that brings us back to life. A new reason to start living again and decrease the amount of wallets that are floating in the air. We, GEN-Y, are the new "baby boomers", technically.
Right now, I think we're too busy fighting over stuff that we have little control over. We're each small fish in a really big lake called government and we're eating each other alive. And look where it's gotten us. Every American family has different needs and if we each focused on how we can make our daily lives better and stop fighting over who spends more money on taxes, who pays more of this, who pays more of that, we'd be better off.
The control starts with us. But I don't think we "get" how to get to that point. Why? I think some of us are tired of being smacked around and we need someone to look at us and go "Hey! How's so and so going. You know, that thing you mentioned 5 months ago? How's that whole thing coming along?"
And if that person can't give the other person an answer, they need to make a list, just one, post it somewhere where they'll see it everyday and start what I'd like to call a movement. A movement in their own home.
So, we need to start at home and start thinking with our hearts and our passions. Not our wallets.
Love him or hate him, I read the speech President Obama delivered to the class of 2010. You can ultimately choose to not believe he's serious or not be inspired by him, as a person. But, you can't sit there and tell me that these words aren't true:
"It was 33-year-old Thomas Jefferson who wrote the Declaration of Independence; a 33-year-old Elizabeth Cady Stanton who organized the Seneca falls Convention, the first national women's rights convention; a 26-year-old Martin Luther King Jr. who began his journey to the mountaintop; and a 20-year-old Bill Gates who started one of the most transformative companies on Earth.
All of these Americans faced long odds. All of them faced doubt. Many grew up in times of discord and difficulty. Yet they knew that while America's destiny is never certain, our ability to shape it always is."
If I knew, even three years ago what I know now, I would have done things a little bit differently. My attitude would be different, I would have prepped for today differently.
And it's a new week. I have my list of things I need to do that are important for my own future. And by Saturday, I better have done what I need to do, or at least have the answers I need so I can see what the next steps are. If I don't step it up and do it, no one is going to provide the map for me.
I've kept somewhat in touch with a few former students I graduated with who are still very serious about public relations and wanting to get their hands dirty with a job that will pay them well.
I have automatic e-mails sent to me from Indeed.com throwing 100-300+ jobs at me for each area I chose to receive notices from in the following areas: event planning, communication and writing jobs.
There's a 50 percent chance I seem more interested in the communication positions because of the duties that go along with the positions, related to public relations. More often than not, my bachelors degree is one of the "minimum requirements" the applicant needs to have to be considered. Well, I have that!
However, in this economy, you're either going to step it up, or you're going to be 'lazy' and give some effort, but not give it your all even though it feels like you're doing everything you can. Maybe I'm biased. Maybe I'm tired of my wallet floating in the air. Maybe I need more encouragement.
Wait a second.
If someone is going to give me encouragement to go after something, that's great. But, if I'm not completely gungho about an opportunity than why I should even think about anyone encouraging me to go after something? If my eyes don't pop, if I'm not engaged, if I'm not learning, if I don't feel like I'm gaining more opportunity that will lead to doors opening, if I'm not on fire, if I'm not all-in, then I'm not doing it right.
That's what this economy needs! People who are passionate and love their jobs. But the passion begins with me and it begins with you. And once American has that, the economy will get back on its feet! A new fire that brings us back to life. A new reason to start living again and decrease the amount of wallets that are floating in the air. We, GEN-Y, are the new "baby boomers", technically.
Right now, I think we're too busy fighting over stuff that we have little control over. We're each small fish in a really big lake called government and we're eating each other alive. And look where it's gotten us. Every American family has different needs and if we each focused on how we can make our daily lives better and stop fighting over who spends more money on taxes, who pays more of this, who pays more of that, we'd be better off.
The control starts with us. But I don't think we "get" how to get to that point. Why? I think some of us are tired of being smacked around and we need someone to look at us and go "Hey! How's so and so going. You know, that thing you mentioned 5 months ago? How's that whole thing coming along?"
And if that person can't give the other person an answer, they need to make a list, just one, post it somewhere where they'll see it everyday and start what I'd like to call a movement. A movement in their own home.
So, we need to start at home and start thinking with our hearts and our passions. Not our wallets.
Love him or hate him, I read the speech President Obama delivered to the class of 2010. You can ultimately choose to not believe he's serious or not be inspired by him, as a person. But, you can't sit there and tell me that these words aren't true:
"It was 33-year-old Thomas Jefferson who wrote the Declaration of Independence; a 33-year-old Elizabeth Cady Stanton who organized the Seneca falls Convention, the first national women's rights convention; a 26-year-old Martin Luther King Jr. who began his journey to the mountaintop; and a 20-year-old Bill Gates who started one of the most transformative companies on Earth.
All of these Americans faced long odds. All of them faced doubt. Many grew up in times of discord and difficulty. Yet they knew that while America's destiny is never certain, our ability to shape it always is."
If I knew, even three years ago what I know now, I would have done things a little bit differently. My attitude would be different, I would have prepped for today differently.
And it's a new week. I have my list of things I need to do that are important for my own future. And by Saturday, I better have done what I need to do, or at least have the answers I need so I can see what the next steps are. If I don't step it up and do it, no one is going to provide the map for me.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Allergies?? Say it isn't so
I woke up at about 6:30AM and ended up unloading the dishwasher and fed my cat, came back downstairs and now I'm job hunting.
I don't "have to" be up until about 8AM. I set my alarm for this time because it allows me major leeway to lay in bed for quite a while if I'm really roughin it and didn't get to bed at a proper time the night before. I know I lead a rough life, right?! :)
I have to be at work by about 9:30 today and I think I know why I'm up and not feeling exhausted or coughing like crazy for that matter...which for me has been the story of my life for the past month or so.
I'm 99 percent sure I have a slight allergic reaction to chlorine. How do I know this? I've never had allergies in my life (I've been poked and prodded many times) and for the past year, I've been in the water typically 5 days a week (it's part of my job) and not only has my asthma gotten "worse" (I've lived with it for 20 years), I've become sick more times in the last year than I have in the last 5 years.
Note: I was also a swimmer in high school and though it's been 9 years since I've been in the water this much, the same thing happened to me back then.
There's two things I need to keep doing then to fix my situation, but one will eventually "exhausted" the other.
1) "Claritin clear"; I took a 24-hour pill last night and low and behold, I woke up this morning feeling fantastic.
2) Keep job hunting; becoming sustainable is the biggest key for me.
Pretty self explaintory what I need to do, right??
It's nearing 7:30 and I'm still up, so I might as well get my day going.
Thank you Claritin, for making my life eaiser and turning around how miserable I've been feeling for far, far too long.
Love, Rachel
I don't "have to" be up until about 8AM. I set my alarm for this time because it allows me major leeway to lay in bed for quite a while if I'm really roughin it and didn't get to bed at a proper time the night before. I know I lead a rough life, right?! :)
I have to be at work by about 9:30 today and I think I know why I'm up and not feeling exhausted or coughing like crazy for that matter...which for me has been the story of my life for the past month or so.
I'm 99 percent sure I have a slight allergic reaction to chlorine. How do I know this? I've never had allergies in my life (I've been poked and prodded many times) and for the past year, I've been in the water typically 5 days a week (it's part of my job) and not only has my asthma gotten "worse" (I've lived with it for 20 years), I've become sick more times in the last year than I have in the last 5 years.
Note: I was also a swimmer in high school and though it's been 9 years since I've been in the water this much, the same thing happened to me back then.
There's two things I need to keep doing then to fix my situation, but one will eventually "exhausted" the other.
1) "Claritin clear"; I took a 24-hour pill last night and low and behold, I woke up this morning feeling fantastic.
2) Keep job hunting; becoming sustainable is the biggest key for me.
Pretty self explaintory what I need to do, right??
It's nearing 7:30 and I'm still up, so I might as well get my day going.
Thank you Claritin, for making my life eaiser and turning around how miserable I've been feeling for far, far too long.
Love, Rachel
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Falling leafs and snow = love
I look forward to fall, every year.
And right about now, I'm wishing another season were here. I'm going to say it and for your own sake, just save the rotten tomatoes for next time. ;)
Here it is: I can't wait for Christmas.
And it [fall] also happens to be that time of the year when I become another year older.
To me, what the fall season brings is a way to clear the mind of anything bad going on. It allows me to be able to see and spend more time with my family than any other time throughout the year. I get to think about the things that matter the most to me. Why? Summer is just too gosh darn busy.
People seem to slow down when September rolls around. The leafs are at the beginning stages of turning colors and even though it seems to happen slowly, it also happens VERY quickly.
My birthday is then right around the corner and the air becomes chilly. I get a feeling of liberation, my lungs fill with a different kind of air, my thought process seems to become more defined.
And then snow comes. Maybe our first snow fall will be in November (mid-October is just too early), not in December.
What do I think of when I think of Christmas?
- Ice fishing
If you know me at all, you'd know how big of a deal ice fishing is to me. It also reminds me of my late Grandpa Fossum and when I get to fish in his ice house, the rest of the world goes away. When I'm there, I'm not thinking about anything else. I'd actually like to get down to my StepDad's hanger and build an ice house this year. Just a small two-seater. I said I wanted to build one the summer before last and it never happened. Gotta make time for these things!
- Decorating the Christmas Tree
I love love love decorating and listening to anything by The Carpenters. My musical taste is not limited to just The Carpenters. I also like The Blenders because these guys have KILLER harmonization!! There are other artists I like and maybe when I repost this blog in November, I'll add more music. It [The Blenders] makes me want to join a barber shop group! Haha! When I think about decorating the tree, "Merry Christmas Darling" comes to mind. The tree doesn't go up until the day after Thanksgiving. That is a household rule under my family's roof. Same with Christmas lights. Heck! I just might go over to my sister and brother-in-law's home to help them decorate!
- Holidazzle in downtown Minneapolis
This year I plan on going even if I have to freeze my tail off!! I tried going last year, but it didn't work out very well. All I need is someone to keep me warm, or perhaps I'll just bring a blanket and go with my girlfriends. Regardless, I'm bringing a thermo of hot chocolate!
- My favorite show, The OC
In the first season there's an episode with Ben McKenzie (Ryan Atwood) and Mischa Barton (Marissa Cooper) at the mall and I think it is the cutest clip of these two at the mall. I love her whole outfit and the shoes are pretty cute as well! This might come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't own a single cd from the soundtrack. I've never found a reason to go out and buy the music when I can just listen to it while I watch the show!!
- A great time of the year to wear red
It's a very powerful color and you're really not supposed to wear it to interviews, weddings, bridal showers, bacherolette parties, funerals, etc., but in this video "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill, man would I love to have a dress like that!
- Sledding!!!!!
I'm 10 years old all over again when I get the chance to go sledding. It's fun, but I can only handle it for so long since I usually end up talking for most of it. I personally think of it as great bonding time!
- Ice Skating
I haven't been ice skating in *pauses to think* quite a while...any takers??!?
- Lake Marion
Not only do I fish there, but I take my dog for walks on this lake. It's great exercise for her and the view is MUCH better instead of being on the paths.
So sue me. We haven't even made it through mid-August yet and I'm thinking about white snow already. Hey! Tis the season to be jolly and I'm feeling jolly today, so I'm rolling with it. Maybe I'll re-post this one in November. Til then, I'll try to keep the "white talk" under wraps, although it is my blog so I'll write about what I want to write about!
And right about now, I'm wishing another season were here. I'm going to say it and for your own sake, just save the rotten tomatoes for next time. ;)
Here it is: I can't wait for Christmas.
And it [fall] also happens to be that time of the year when I become another year older.
To me, what the fall season brings is a way to clear the mind of anything bad going on. It allows me to be able to see and spend more time with my family than any other time throughout the year. I get to think about the things that matter the most to me. Why? Summer is just too gosh darn busy.
People seem to slow down when September rolls around. The leafs are at the beginning stages of turning colors and even though it seems to happen slowly, it also happens VERY quickly.
My birthday is then right around the corner and the air becomes chilly. I get a feeling of liberation, my lungs fill with a different kind of air, my thought process seems to become more defined.
And then snow comes. Maybe our first snow fall will be in November (mid-October is just too early), not in December.
What do I think of when I think of Christmas?
- Ice fishing
If you know me at all, you'd know how big of a deal ice fishing is to me. It also reminds me of my late Grandpa Fossum and when I get to fish in his ice house, the rest of the world goes away. When I'm there, I'm not thinking about anything else. I'd actually like to get down to my StepDad's hanger and build an ice house this year. Just a small two-seater. I said I wanted to build one the summer before last and it never happened. Gotta make time for these things!
- Decorating the Christmas Tree
I love love love decorating and listening to anything by The Carpenters. My musical taste is not limited to just The Carpenters. I also like The Blenders because these guys have KILLER harmonization!! There are other artists I like and maybe when I repost this blog in November, I'll add more music. It [The Blenders] makes me want to join a barber shop group! Haha! When I think about decorating the tree, "Merry Christmas Darling" comes to mind. The tree doesn't go up until the day after Thanksgiving. That is a household rule under my family's roof. Same with Christmas lights. Heck! I just might go over to my sister and brother-in-law's home to help them decorate!
- Holidazzle in downtown Minneapolis
This year I plan on going even if I have to freeze my tail off!! I tried going last year, but it didn't work out very well. All I need is someone to keep me warm, or perhaps I'll just bring a blanket and go with my girlfriends. Regardless, I'm bringing a thermo of hot chocolate!
- My favorite show, The OC
In the first season there's an episode with Ben McKenzie (Ryan Atwood) and Mischa Barton (Marissa Cooper) at the mall and I think it is the cutest clip of these two at the mall. I love her whole outfit and the shoes are pretty cute as well! This might come as a surprise to some of you, but I don't own a single cd from the soundtrack. I've never found a reason to go out and buy the music when I can just listen to it while I watch the show!!
- A great time of the year to wear red
It's a very powerful color and you're really not supposed to wear it to interviews, weddings, bridal showers, bacherolette parties, funerals, etc., but in this video "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill, man would I love to have a dress like that!
- Sledding!!!!!
I'm 10 years old all over again when I get the chance to go sledding. It's fun, but I can only handle it for so long since I usually end up talking for most of it. I personally think of it as great bonding time!
- Ice Skating
I haven't been ice skating in *pauses to think* quite a while...any takers??!?
- Lake Marion
Not only do I fish there, but I take my dog for walks on this lake. It's great exercise for her and the view is MUCH better instead of being on the paths.
So sue me. We haven't even made it through mid-August yet and I'm thinking about white snow already. Hey! Tis the season to be jolly and I'm feeling jolly today, so I'm rolling with it. Maybe I'll re-post this one in November. Til then, I'll try to keep the "white talk" under wraps, although it is my blog so I'll write about what I want to write about!
Auto-pilot
The light in my room is perfect right now and I feel like I think best when the lighting is just right.
I took my dog for a walk this morning and I thought about how much I miss college. An aquiantence of mine wrote this on her Facebook wall about an hour and I guess it's along the lines of how I feel:
"misses college.... going to class, having a purpose, preparing for an event, the people, the dorms.. even friday office hours."
My first year at MNSU, Mankato (my 5th year of college), I remember the first semester how I got up, went to class, came home, made a delicious lunch, usually ended up watching Dr. Phil and Oprah (I got over these shows quickly and realized I was waisting my time) and then went to the rest of my classes, came home and took a long, long nap.
That was it. Life was simple. I also had a job where I worked a couple of hours here and there throughout the week, but I had it really, really easy.
I am now realizing that I, too, miss college, the people, my professors and learning in the classroom. I didn't take advantage of those years like I could have, but I also have to realize that I don't have the same 'go getter' attitude like I do now. I was afraid to do a lot of things...almost as if I needed approval from someone. Mostly, I think half the time I didn't think I was capable enough.
I don't feel like I'm serving much of a purpose these days. Yeah, I'm teach life-saving skills, but I don't get breaks from it that often. And my job requires a lot of "upbeat" attitude. Hard to do that when I barely get to "step away" from it. When do I get a break? Memorial Day weekend, the day of July 4th, Labor Day weekend, Thanksgiving Day and then the week of/after Christmas.
If I want/need time off, I have to find someone to cover my shift.
Vacations really do not exsist for me. My last vacation was May 2009 and it was my parents graduation present to me. We went to Las Vegas, Arizona and Utah. Saw a lot of Mother Nature and I could actually hear myself think. I haven't been able to do that much recently. Lately, I've been forgetting what day it is and weekends don't exsist for me. By that I mean I could have sworn I just taught a group of students yesterday that I'll be teaching today --it's been a week.
Living paycheck to paycheck isn't fun but it's a paycheck, not unemployement. That puts a smile on my face!
Credit card debt, isn't a problem for me, but I rarely buy myself anything anyway. This is one big stressor that is not clinging on my back and thank goodness for that! I guess right there I have it easier than 99 percent of the people in my neighborhood.
I've become exhausted and I feel like I've lost my purpose but I still keep pushing on. Because that is what I have to do.
I took my dog for a walk this morning and I thought about how much I miss college. An aquiantence of mine wrote this on her Facebook wall about an hour and I guess it's along the lines of how I feel:
"misses college.... going to class, having a purpose, preparing for an event, the people, the dorms.. even friday office hours."
My first year at MNSU, Mankato (my 5th year of college), I remember the first semester how I got up, went to class, came home, made a delicious lunch, usually ended up watching Dr. Phil and Oprah (I got over these shows quickly and realized I was waisting my time) and then went to the rest of my classes, came home and took a long, long nap.
That was it. Life was simple. I also had a job where I worked a couple of hours here and there throughout the week, but I had it really, really easy.
I am now realizing that I, too, miss college, the people, my professors and learning in the classroom. I didn't take advantage of those years like I could have, but I also have to realize that I don't have the same 'go getter' attitude like I do now. I was afraid to do a lot of things...almost as if I needed approval from someone. Mostly, I think half the time I didn't think I was capable enough.
I don't feel like I'm serving much of a purpose these days. Yeah, I'm teach life-saving skills, but I don't get breaks from it that often. And my job requires a lot of "upbeat" attitude. Hard to do that when I barely get to "step away" from it. When do I get a break? Memorial Day weekend, the day of July 4th, Labor Day weekend, Thanksgiving Day and then the week of/after Christmas.
If I want/need time off, I have to find someone to cover my shift.
Vacations really do not exsist for me. My last vacation was May 2009 and it was my parents graduation present to me. We went to Las Vegas, Arizona and Utah. Saw a lot of Mother Nature and I could actually hear myself think. I haven't been able to do that much recently. Lately, I've been forgetting what day it is and weekends don't exsist for me. By that I mean I could have sworn I just taught a group of students yesterday that I'll be teaching today --it's been a week.
Living paycheck to paycheck isn't fun but it's a paycheck, not unemployement. That puts a smile on my face!
Credit card debt, isn't a problem for me, but I rarely buy myself anything anyway. This is one big stressor that is not clinging on my back and thank goodness for that! I guess right there I have it easier than 99 percent of the people in my neighborhood.
I've become exhausted and I feel like I've lost my purpose but I still keep pushing on. Because that is what I have to do.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Forced progressions
The worst way to nuture an idea/feeling is to move unnaturally through a progression.
My favorite show, The OC, does this in Season 4 in such a way that made me want to puke --and it still does-- yet I was (and still am) so engulfed in this show that I felt like I was a part of the Cohen/Atwood clan.
Mind you, I haven't watched it in a while. I think I've gotten through only the first two discs this year.
The Cohen's are: Peter Gallagher (Sandy), Kelly Rowan (Kirsten) and Adam Brody (Seth).
The Atwood is: Ben McKenzie (Ryan).
Note: He's a teenager adopted into the Cohen family early in Season 1.
McKenzie's character falls in love, very quickly, and too quickly (in my opinion) with Autumn Reese's (Taylor Townsend) character. So quickly that it feels really, really off and the writers of the show, whether it's John Stephens, Mark Fish, J.J. Philbin or Leila Gerstein (these are just a few names from the episodes I'm specifically referring to) I haven't a clue. It doesn't help that in Season 4 there are only 16 episodes and not the normal 24.
Why did Season 4 get shafted? Because Mischa Barton (Marissa Cooper) made a decision --a personal decision on/off set-- during Season 3 that changed everything forever. It's no sercret that Atwood's and Cooper's characters hit it off right away in this show. Not to get too detailed here (trying to keep it PG-13!!) but you can literally feel the sexual tension between these two.
The writers of The OC made a dumb, dumb, dumb decision to force Atwoods character into something that wasn't natural. It didn't help that Townsend's character is highly annoying and extremely pushy to the point where you wanted to strangle the girl's character half the time, up until the point where her mom comes into the picture and then you get why she is the way she is.
Lessons I hope Josh Schwartz (the creator of The OC show) learned:
1. Never cut your budget and force dialogue that shouldn't be forced; your (biggest) fans will strongly dislike it forever and will think twice about getting too into another show because you might just ruin that one too! I'm talking about Gossip Girl --and I never watched an episode because it's supposedly just like The OC, except it takes place in New York where the attitudes are much different.
2. If a characters persona doesn't seem to naturally fit with anothers (or is forced to grow faster than what is unrealistic, even for a reality tv show), don't pair it with an idea that ruins the developement of a main characters prescence in the show. Even if the main character can pull it off, you can still feel how "awkward" it must be for the actor to "accept" what their character has to act out. I did!!
3. If one of your main characters makes a big decision like the one Mischa Barton did, make sure you give your audience (even the characters in the show!!) enough time to go through the denial/acceptance phases. Why?? If you give someone time to adjust to reality --even if it's NOT reality-- you'll eventually benefit from making a smooth (not quick and SUPER sudden) move.
Anywho.
Here's the deal, when you don't nurture something back to health the right way, everything becomes blurry. Discombobulated. Uneasy. Unsure. You lose direction. You can also lose the main reason it felt right in the first place. But if you do it the right way and take it easy and continue to grow within the idea again, carefully, beautiful things can happen.
I'm feeling this with my job search. I'm in the 'fuzzy' era-stage at this point. What does that mean? I feel like I'm grabbing for anything and I kind of am for a few different reasons, but mainly because I need a job where I can be sustainable and live a 'normal' life...whatever that is nowadays. Oh wait, I know.
I have time for myself, family, a relationship (if that ever becomes an option), my friends, I have weekends off to do fun things, and my evenings are mostly free. But I want to use my degree, if at all possible.
In The OC, Atwood and Townsend were "grabbing" for each other because I think their characters came from two completely different perspectives --one was in denial through-out most of Season 4 without even needing to say it (though I think his character does) and the other felt as if they found a light at the end of the tunnel so they sped up to it fast just to prove a point to someone they felt they were obligated to do so with-- and nobody really appreciated the dialogue or how any of it unfolded. Well, there was no reason to "appreciate" the "love" between the characters. I, as a viewer, was never given a reason to do so. I felt empathy for Townsend at one point, but not enough to change my mind.
I can tell you that I'm not looking for empathy because I'm lucky to have the job I have and I'm very thankful for it, but I'm still looking for that "real" job. I don't want to run to the light at the end of the tunnel and make the "wrong" decision though. But what if I do? Well, I guess I just have to have Faith and I gotta Believe.
I have a huge project on my plate right now that just might be the answer to all of my prayers, but I'm not talking about it just yet. The ingredients are still being added to the mixture and the oven is just pre-heating right now. It could be a while before I make any announcements.
My journey continues and I know I'm paddling up the same river millions of other American's are paddling up...I just plan on working my competitors to the core and I'm doing that in my own ways. Three words: Don't give up. A lot of people do and I'm not about ready to become one of those people. I have an amazing support system, so I guess technically, I have more people on my side than I even know and for that, I'm extremely thankful.
What I'm going through isn't a reality show, but it is reality and I'm not about to pull an executive decision like Josh Schwartz did.
- I'm not gonna cut my budget in ways I cannot afford to where there are better ways to slice the pie.
- I'm not going to make puzzle pieces fit if they don't.
- I have to accept what the reality is.
These are the only ways I can currently see myself nurturing my life back to a healthy state of mind, body and soul.
I'm a very determind woman though and I won't back down. But I also say that whatever happens, will happen. Just make sure you give it 100%.
My favorite show, The OC, does this in Season 4 in such a way that made me want to puke --and it still does-- yet I was (and still am) so engulfed in this show that I felt like I was a part of the Cohen/Atwood clan.
Mind you, I haven't watched it in a while. I think I've gotten through only the first two discs this year.
The Cohen's are: Peter Gallagher (Sandy), Kelly Rowan (Kirsten) and Adam Brody (Seth).
The Atwood is: Ben McKenzie (Ryan).
Note: He's a teenager adopted into the Cohen family early in Season 1.
McKenzie's character falls in love, very quickly, and too quickly (in my opinion) with Autumn Reese's (Taylor Townsend) character. So quickly that it feels really, really off and the writers of the show, whether it's John Stephens, Mark Fish, J.J. Philbin or Leila Gerstein (these are just a few names from the episodes I'm specifically referring to) I haven't a clue. It doesn't help that in Season 4 there are only 16 episodes and not the normal 24.
Why did Season 4 get shafted? Because Mischa Barton (Marissa Cooper) made a decision --a personal decision on/off set-- during Season 3 that changed everything forever. It's no sercret that Atwood's and Cooper's characters hit it off right away in this show. Not to get too detailed here (trying to keep it PG-13!!) but you can literally feel the sexual tension between these two.
The writers of The OC made a dumb, dumb, dumb decision to force Atwoods character into something that wasn't natural. It didn't help that Townsend's character is highly annoying and extremely pushy to the point where you wanted to strangle the girl's character half the time, up until the point where her mom comes into the picture and then you get why she is the way she is.
Lessons I hope Josh Schwartz (the creator of The OC show) learned:
1. Never cut your budget and force dialogue that shouldn't be forced; your (biggest) fans will strongly dislike it forever and will think twice about getting too into another show because you might just ruin that one too! I'm talking about Gossip Girl --and I never watched an episode because it's supposedly just like The OC, except it takes place in New York where the attitudes are much different.
2. If a characters persona doesn't seem to naturally fit with anothers (or is forced to grow faster than what is unrealistic, even for a reality tv show), don't pair it with an idea that ruins the developement of a main characters prescence in the show. Even if the main character can pull it off, you can still feel how "awkward" it must be for the actor to "accept" what their character has to act out. I did!!
3. If one of your main characters makes a big decision like the one Mischa Barton did, make sure you give your audience (even the characters in the show!!) enough time to go through the denial/acceptance phases. Why?? If you give someone time to adjust to reality --even if it's NOT reality-- you'll eventually benefit from making a smooth (not quick and SUPER sudden) move.
Anywho.
Here's the deal, when you don't nurture something back to health the right way, everything becomes blurry. Discombobulated. Uneasy. Unsure. You lose direction. You can also lose the main reason it felt right in the first place. But if you do it the right way and take it easy and continue to grow within the idea again, carefully, beautiful things can happen.
I'm feeling this with my job search. I'm in the 'fuzzy' era-stage at this point. What does that mean? I feel like I'm grabbing for anything and I kind of am for a few different reasons, but mainly because I need a job where I can be sustainable and live a 'normal' life...whatever that is nowadays. Oh wait, I know.
I have time for myself, family, a relationship (if that ever becomes an option), my friends, I have weekends off to do fun things, and my evenings are mostly free. But I want to use my degree, if at all possible.
In The OC, Atwood and Townsend were "grabbing" for each other because I think their characters came from two completely different perspectives --one was in denial through-out most of Season 4 without even needing to say it (though I think his character does) and the other felt as if they found a light at the end of the tunnel so they sped up to it fast just to prove a point to someone they felt they were obligated to do so with-- and nobody really appreciated the dialogue or how any of it unfolded. Well, there was no reason to "appreciate" the "love" between the characters. I, as a viewer, was never given a reason to do so. I felt empathy for Townsend at one point, but not enough to change my mind.
I can tell you that I'm not looking for empathy because I'm lucky to have the job I have and I'm very thankful for it, but I'm still looking for that "real" job. I don't want to run to the light at the end of the tunnel and make the "wrong" decision though. But what if I do? Well, I guess I just have to have Faith and I gotta Believe.
I have a huge project on my plate right now that just might be the answer to all of my prayers, but I'm not talking about it just yet. The ingredients are still being added to the mixture and the oven is just pre-heating right now. It could be a while before I make any announcements.
My journey continues and I know I'm paddling up the same river millions of other American's are paddling up...I just plan on working my competitors to the core and I'm doing that in my own ways. Three words: Don't give up. A lot of people do and I'm not about ready to become one of those people. I have an amazing support system, so I guess technically, I have more people on my side than I even know and for that, I'm extremely thankful.
What I'm going through isn't a reality show, but it is reality and I'm not about to pull an executive decision like Josh Schwartz did.
- I'm not gonna cut my budget in ways I cannot afford to where there are better ways to slice the pie.
- I'm not going to make puzzle pieces fit if they don't.
- I have to accept what the reality is.
These are the only ways I can currently see myself nurturing my life back to a healthy state of mind, body and soul.
I'm a very determind woman though and I won't back down. But I also say that whatever happens, will happen. Just make sure you give it 100%.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)